It’s Saturday night, and you’re at your friend’s house for a small party. A kinda cute guy strikes up a conversation with you, and it comes out that he’s a… comic book collector.
Your first thoughts might be: Does he wear Underoos? Does he ever leave his basement? Your second thoughts might be: Should I fake a sudden sickness and get the heck out of there? Pretend I just got an urgent text and slip away? Or will dating a comic collector not be as bad as I’m imagining?
Before you think I’m casting a negative light on comic collectors, let me explain—I grew up with a comic-collecting brother, married a comic book collector, and I’ve even bought a few comics myself. But I have to admit that comic book collectors can be a little obsessive. If you do decide to date one, here’s what to expect, along with some friendly advice
On the off-chance you want to read one of their comics–don’t. If you do ask to read one of their books, get ready for a lecture on proper comic care: Never breathe near the book. Never hold a comic while reading it. Always turn pages from the top, not the middle or bottom. And never ever crease the spine. Comic collectors would rather have you put a bend in their spine than the spine of one of their precious comics.
When you see their comic book friends coming, turn the other way.
You’re going to want to get out of there because comic collectors love getting into hours-long arguments about superheroes: Who would win in a fight: Superman or Shazam? Could Flash outrun Quicksilver? Can Ant Man shrink smaller than The Atom? Unless you enjoy hearing about superhero physics, your best bet is to quietly slip away because once these discussions start, they become really nerdy really fast.
Every so often, give him time alone with his comics.
There are three people in your relationship: You, him, and Wolverine. Given a choice between a week on a tropical beach with the woman he loves or a week alone organizing his collection, bagging and boarding loose comics, and checking values on eBay, he might choose the latter.
Humor him when he points out obscure Easter eggs in superhero movies.
Comic book collectors look forward to new Marvel movies, not for the films themselves, but for the hidden jokes that only diehard comic collectors understand. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to grin and look impressed even if you have no idea or interest in what he’s talking about.
Don’t worry when he comes home from a convention with a huge stack of comics.
He’s not going to lock himself in his room reading comics for the next month and a half. Most collectors read only about 3.7% of the comics they buy. And you don’t have to worry. He’s not going to quit his job to open a comic store. His goal is not to open one, but to own enough comics that he could if he wanted to.
Ultimately, dating a comic book collector means dating his comics. On a positive note, you’ll become an expert at dodging comic boxes stacked to the ceiling and avoiding awkward conversations about Batman and Robin’s relationship. But, it’s a small price to pay for hanging out with someone who can tell you the exact issue number where Spider-Man first fought the Green Goblin. And that’s some pretty impressive dinner party trivia.
